Contestant #3: Phil Stacey

If it were up to AWiBH, the hapless Phil Stacey would get a free pass solely on the basis of his official AI profile.

Q: How has this changed your life?
A: I'm probably more famous.

Q: Who are your heroes in life?
A: My parents and my in-laws. (Ed.: his in-laws!!)

Q: What is your definition of AMERICAN IDOL?
A: Someone from the U.S. whom people idolize. I guess technically they could be from South America or Canada, too.

You've got to feel merciful toward a guy with such a loose grasp of geography (hello, Mexico?). But he sings with all the feeling of post-lobotomy Jack Nicholson in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.



During her "coaching session" with him, Diana Ross offered Phil this nugget o' wisdom regarding his audience: "They're really real people, with same feelings like you have and everything." But are we?

I'm not so sure.

AWiBH prognosis: Help us help you, Phil. (Representative YouTube comment: "Phil Stacey is my youth pastor's cousin!") --AMBER